A mom in Sweden took 21 months off when her kids were born, and her partner took 15. Sharing parental leave changed their expectations of each other.

Nicola Lindgren moved from New Zealand to Sweden for a job in her mid-20s.

She wasn't sure if she wanted to stay — until she met her future husband in 2015. They got married in 2019.

Lindgren knew Sweden had a good reputation for childcare and work-life balance, and the couple decided to stay in the country to be near his family. They had their first child together in October 2019.

((Parents get 480 days of leave in Sweden))

In Sweden, parents are entitled to 480 days of leave per child. By default, these are split evenly between two parents; they can transfer up to 150 days to each other, and take up to 30 of the same days off. A single parent gets the full 480 days.

Lindgren started parental leave two weeks before their daughter was born, after which her husband took 10 days of paid leave, which is standard practice in Sweden.

"It was such a shock to the system. You hear other people say how hard it is to be a parent and how tired you'll be,"

In total, Lindgren took 10 months of parental leave for her first child and said she was paid 80% of her salary during most of this period.

Lindgren and her husband were both off work with their baby for three months. Her husband took a combination of parental leave and annual leave to make it happen.

"I loved it," she said. "When I needed a nap or a rest, my husband could cuddle our child."

(( Taking time off together helped them relate to each other)

"Having my husband take a good chunk of parental leave made me feel like we got to walk a mile in each other's shoes," she said.

When she went back to work, her husband could experience what she had at home all day with the baby. He took 10 months off, three of which overlapped with Lindgren.

When their second child was born in December 2021, Lindgren took another eight months of parental leave. Her husband overlapped by one month and then a further five months, during which she was back at work.

Ref: A mom in Sweden took 21 months off when her kids were born, and her partner took 15. Sharing parental leave changed their expectations of each other.